Balancing Act

Life, it seems, is a balancing act. It's part of the human condition. I don't think anyone is exempt. Some people are more gifted at keeping things in balance than others, but no matter if you're the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a homeless man trying to get through the day, we all balance.

Add a husband, kids, a house, and a church to the mix, and the balance just got more complicated. Right now, I'd like to give a shout out to all the working moms out there, because your balance is almost impossible to achieve! Yet some of you do it so well! For me, I decided in March of 2009 to quit my job in effort to balance a little more successfully.

Deciding to be at home with the kids did not eliminate all of my challenges, it just changed them. Part of the reason I decided to stay home is Jason is working 2 jobs right now. I wanted to be able to take care of things at home so that I could relieve some of his stress and allow him to focus on his God-given vision. I'm privileged to take on these new challenges, but it's still an adjustment. Right now, here are a few of my wobbles on this tight rope that I walk:

• Taking Jackson to all the cool, enriching preschooler activities (story time, zoo, museums, etc) while considering Selah's need to get her rest and stay in a healthy routine.
• Encouraging Jackson to learn and still letting him have fun. I don't want to push too hard, but at the same time I want to teach him the value of perseverance and overcoming obstacles that seem tough at first glance.
• Not being a burden on my husband (because he has so many other burdens) and still getting to exercise (which usually requires him to take over the kids). I know there are a couple of solutions here, I just haven't found the one that works for me yet
• Standing firm in my discipline and still listening to Jackson's reasoning...There is a balance between "Because I said so" and just letting my kid walk all over me (two opposite extremes where I don't care to live)
• Even making sure we have good outside playtime without too much sun exposure...it's ALL a balance

There are many things to balance in my 24 hours. Keeping the house clean, spending quality instructional time with the kids, spending quality play time with the kids, having my time with God, socializing with my peers (I think facebook counts here!), connecting with my husband, managing the finances, running errands, cooking 3 meals a day, resting. It's funny, because when I read over that list, it doesn't seem that hard. I guess when I was working I had such limited time, that I wasn't really balancing, I was just surviving (and barely doing that). I didn't really have as much choice about how to spend my time. I just had to cover the necessities, and move on. Now that I can decide how I spend each minute in my day, the need for balance is suddenly glaring. I realize that I actually have control over that balance. No longer can I blame any imbalances on my circumstances or my lack of time. The responsibility for my life (and largely for the lives of my kids right now) rests on my shoulders. Maybe I'm just worried I'm not going to succeed - that I'm not going to be any good balancing. I know that I'm going to blink and these preschool years will be over. Will I have kept the right priorities? Stuck the right balance? Only time will tell.

God, please help me find balance. I want to live a life that is pleasing to you, and, above all else, brings you glory. I need your wisdom to guide my decisions. I need your mercy when I fail. I need your love to reassure me when I doubt myself. I need good friends and family to keep me accountable, encourage me, and lift me up in prayer as I do the same for them. In Jesus' name, let it be.

Play Ball

Tonight, Jackson went to his first Tee ball practice. After much debate about whether or not to sign him up, Jason and I came to an agreement that being part of a team would be good for Jackson. Our goal is for him to learn to focus on a common task with other children and socialize with children his age. Our fears are that he will not like it (due to the amount of focus required) or that he will not be as good as the other kids on the team and have his self-esteem crushed. So, we make the decision (as we do so many other parenting decisions) swinging with our eyes closed, and hoping for the best.

When we arrive at the field (on time, I might add...a small miracle in itself), he boldly introduces himself to the coach. A good start...there were at least 2 other kids that I saw who wouldn't even talk to the coach! Team captain in the making here! I proudly watch my son join the other kids playing catch (or really more like chase-after-the-ball-that-was-thrown-into-your-general-direction). I figure my job on the sidelines was to chat with the other parents. I approach a nice-looking couple and say, "Well, I knew we were in trouble tonight when Jackson thought he needed a tennis racket to take to tee ball practice (true story)". The other couple gave a courtesy laugh. Then the dad proceeded to tell me how his son wanted to load his BAT BAG (what 4-year-old has a bat bag?) in the car this morning because he was so excited about practice tonight. As the dad looks back at the field to his future MLB player I notice this:

Yep, that's a tattoo of two baseball bats and the number 24. OK, enough talking to other parents....

The coach starts off by quizzing the players on the important points of tee ball, notably "What's the name of the game we're playing?" Whew...Jackson didn't yell "Tennis". They started running drills like running the bases (in the correct order) and tagging a guy out. I must say, I was really proud of Jackson. He actually seemed interested in the game. He was listening to the coach's directions and was holding his own. He wasn't the best kid out there, but he wasn't the worst either. I mean, really, how much can you expect from a kid whose dad doesn't have a baseball tattoo? He was having fun.

That was the first half of practice. Then Jackson got tired. It was a struggle to get him through the last 30 minutes. He was pulling grass when he was supposed to be fielding. In this pictures you can see how all the other boys are running a drill with the coach, but where's Jackson? Off to himself.

He finally made it to the end without giving up! In my eyes, this was a huge success for his first practice. Don't get me wrong, I think Jackson is very intelligent. All around, he's a super kid. But I've definitely been wanting him to focus on tasks more, especially in a group setting. I think he learned a lot tonight.

And I learned something, too. As we were leaving the field I instinctually grabbed his hand, and walked a few paces with his hand in mine. And then I let it go. Somehow, he grew up on that field tonight. All of a sudden it felt weird holding his hand, like I was treating him like a baby. When did he get so big? After his bath, I tucked him in the bed and told him how proud I was of him. Then he laid on his blanket and sucked his thumb. He's still my little boy. I think it's going to be a great season.

So long, twenties. You'll be missed.

Tomorrow I turn 30.

Thirty...Just let that wash over you a second.

All day today I've been reliving the past 10 years of my life. I started thinking about where I was when I was 20. I'm amazed at how much has happened and how much I've changed in the last decade. When I turned 20, I was a junior at Wake Forest. The guy who I thought I would marry had just broken my heart. I also held the title of Miss Statesville and was preparing for the Miss NC competition. I didn't do as well as I wanted in that competition, and so 20 was shaping up to be pretty crappy. I had no idea that God was just setting me up for some pretty cool things. By the time I turned 21 I had met (and was dating) the man I was going to marry (for real this time). Amazing how much can change in a year. Here are some events/highlights/facts about the last 10 years of my life:

• Met my husband (age 20)
• Bought my first car (age 21)
• Graduated from Wake Forest with a degree in Biology (age 21)
• Lived with my friend Lisa for a year (first time out on my own!)
• Married Jason - my soul mate, and I really mean that (age 22)
• Got my first mortgage (age 22)
• Jason graduated law school
• Bought my first house (age 24)
• Had my first child (age 25)
• Ran a half marathon (age 27)
• Became a pastor's wife (age 28)
• Had my second child (age 29)
• Taught school for 2 years
• Worked in a cancer biology lab making a chemotherapy for one year
• Worked in clinical research for 6 years
• Became a stay-at-home mom (age 29)

When we had Jackson, I really had a hard time coming to terms with the loss of freedom that came with having a child. We could no longer decide to stay out until midnight with our friends without a week of planning and coordination. Gone were the days of spontaneity. It was an adjustment. I felt a little sad, but at the same time, I knew that Jackson was worth the changes that he brought to my life. I have that same feeling today. I must admit that I'm a little sad to say goodbye to my twenties. But, at the same time, it's worth it. Sure, I wouldn't walk a runway in my bikini today, but I like the girl I am now much better than that naive 20-year-old who didn't even know the meaning of escrow and insurance deductible.

I'd like to be able to guess what the next 10 years holds for me. But I know that 20-year-old me would NEVER have guessed me to be a stay-at-home mom and pastor's wife at 30. So, I guess I'll just see what tomorrow has in store, and the day after that, and the day after that. I know that God will give me strength to face each challenge, provision for each step, and grace every day.

Summer is Here! (almost)

So, the official start of summer is still about a week away, but we enjoyed some summer fun this weekend. My sister gave us this awesome frog pool for Christmas this year, and we've been patiently waiting almost 6 months to use it. On Friday we decided it was time to finally break it in! Selah doesn't even have a swimsuit yet, but that didn't stop us! After spending what seemed like half the day blowing it up, filling it up, slathering ourselves with sunscreen, and gathering a few essential items like towels and sunglasses, we were ready. About 2 mintues later, Selah decided she was done. =( Jackson had a great time, though. The pool has a sprinkler part to it which is really cool. Selah voiced her firm objection to this nonsense we called "fun" while sitting under an umbrella with me. Maybe she'll like it another day! Jackson was so happy to be in the pool, it was worth dealing with Selah's complaints. We will be getting a lot of use out of the pool this summer. Thanks, Jana!

Friday night we went with some friends from church to the Grasshoppers baseball game. Jackson had a blast and Selah was thankfully very entertained considering it was way past her bedtime. Although the Hoppers lost in the 10th inning, the fireworks after the game made everyone feel better. What a great day.


Jackson got in lots of playtime with other kids on Saturday and Sunday. This is a real treat, because, as I've mentioned before, it really concerns me that he doesn't get enough playtime with friends his age. We went to a neighborhood block party where he played with kids in a bounce house. Then we went to a friend's housewarming party where all the kids got to explore their enormous backyard. Finally on Sunday, Jackson played with his two favorite friends after church. They were playing so nicely together outside with sidewalk chalk, we didn't even notice them sneaking inside to carry out water - effectively turning the chalk into paint! Jason had to hose them all off, and they still looked like smurfs! It was a great weekend. I'm looking forward to more summer fun. I can't believe that Pre-K is just around the corner. This time at home with him is passing too quickly. We will have to work hard to squeeze every drop of fun out of this summer!

Silver linings

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Yesterday, Jackson, Selah, and I made trip #2 to Firestone to get Jason's car repaired. Last week's trip went well, but was it too much to hope for two consecutive good trips? I was really afraid that the novelty of the mall had worn off and I would be getting a "this place again?" reaction from Jackson. I didn't know how long we'd be there, but I was hoping for the best. Well, it took SIX HOURS for the car to be fixed. This is in no way a bad report for the good guys at Firestone. They are awesome. It's just that, to put it delicately, our car sucks that bad! At the end of the day, I decided to focus on the positive things, the things that I'm thankful for. Here they are in no particular order:

1. A mechanic we can trust. In the past when I've taken my cars to the shop I leave feeling like I've been tricked into spending money that I really didn't need to spend OR second-guessing my decision to not have the recommended work done in effort to show that I can't be tricked into spending money that I really don't need to spend. You know? It's priceless to have a mechanic you can trust. Our friend Jason is the manager here, and he's as good as gold!

2. Free public restrooms. If we were in Europe there's no telling how much money we would have spent using the public restrooms yesterday, including 2 false alarm poop trips. And I have to say, the ones at the mall were pretty clean. =)

3. Play area in the mall. Also really clean yesterday, and it's the only place Selah could get out of her stroller and crawl around. Did I mention we were there for 6 hours? We needed a place for her to take stroller breaks.

4. Free entertainment. Jackson had a blast "riding" all the rides in the mall (you know the ones you put quarters in for them to rock gently back and forth for 30 seconds). He made his own fun by playing pretend going from the ambulance to the helicopter to the car to the ice cream truck, etc. as he was a superhero on a rescue mission. We never put a quater in a single one. Also Hungate's has changed their store to be primarily kids toys (like Toys and Co. in Friendly Ctr.), so they had a great train table that they graciously let us play at for a while.

5. Places to nurse. Motherhood Maternity actually WELCOMES nursing mothers to use their dressing rooms to nurse. It's so nice to have a place to go that's private, quiet, and relaxing. Sometimes nursing in public places can be so awkward and makes me anxious. I'm not anxious for my sake, but I'm always aware that I could be making other people uncomfortable. Motherhood is a safe haven for a nursing mother.

6. New experiences. After we had been there for 4 hours I let Jackson ride the jumping ride he had been begging to do. It was $6 (the only money we spent besides lunch) and it only lasted for about 2 minutes before he declared "I'm all done with this." Jackson is not too crazy about heights. He never wants to swing very high. That's why I was surprised he even wanted to try the ride. I try to encourage him to be adventurous, so I think this experience was worth $6. Selah also found the perfect place for her to start cruising!

7. A new vacuum! I used our credit card points to score some Sears gift cards so I could get a new vacuum. Our old one decided it was tired of cleaning our carpets, although it doesn't mind sucking up ants and cleaning our hardwoods. Anyway, Jackson was equally excited about the purchase and helped me put it together. It's nice to have clean carpets again, especially with a crawling baby who likes to explore her world by putting everything in her mouth!

8. Air conditioning at home. After a very hot ride home in the car that has no a/c I was so thankful to come home to a cool house. We have 2 friends right now with broken a/c in their homes, and it was 90 degrees yesterday! Air conditioning is a luxury that we have, even though we think of it was a necessity. I am thankful that we have so many luxuries, and I hope we don't take them for granted. Even though I complain about Jason's car, having 2 cars is also a luxury.

God has blessed us so richly with health, family, friends, and all the things we need. How can I not be thankful?

On a completely separate note, Jackson explored color mixing with his teaching tray today during Selah's morning nap. Inspired by his painting this morning, I filled 3 baby food jars with colored water (blue, red, and yellow). I gave him a dropper and an empty egg carton to use as mixing wells. I asked him to mix specific combinations and journal his findings (I helped). Then I let him explore by himself. He eventually emptied the jars, and made all the wells black. Then he used the dropper to put all the black water back into the jars. Then he droppered the water onto the tray to make a "swimming pool". I was amazed that he stayed focused on one activity for so long. I was able to empty and load the dishwasher!

We are Fa-mi-ly

Today Jackson, Selah, and I drove to Willis, VA to visit their great-grandpa Turman (Jason's grandfather). It was a two-hour drive, but both kids did great. Jason's parents were going to visit for the day, and I'm embarrassed to say that we haven't been to his house in almost 2 years (that's not to say that we haven't seen him...just not at his house). Anyway, now that I'm no longer working (not at an office anyway!) I have the opportunity to do things like drive 2 hours one way to spend an afternoon with family.

And that's just it. FAMILY. Family is so important to me. I realize how fortunate I am to have the family that God gave me. I grew up on my grandparents' farm. All 5 of their kids built houses there. Most of my first cousins also built on that farm, too. I live an hour away, and sometimes I feel like I live in Egypt by comparison. Their lives are so interconnected in that community. Not only do they live together, they also go to church together, volunteer together, and work together. It is so rare these days to have that kind of deep bond with any person, and sometimes when I hear my sister complaining about something one of my cousins said or did I find myself feeling jealous of that relationship. Sure, she's complaining, but it's really just a sign of deep love. When you're that close to someone and your lives are intertwined, they're going to get on your nerves from time to time. The people you love the most can also irritate you the most! It seems like we move so fast now...communicate by text...say hello at church...make small talk before a meeting. The older I get, the more I long for real connection, especially with my family.

Which brings me back to Willis, VA. I was washing dishes in Grandpa Turman's farmhouse kitchen after eating what he called "poorman's dinner" of pinto beans, sliced bread, onion, and boston butt. (We ate at 2:45pm...I was unsure if that was lunch or supper. Old people eat at weird times, don't they?) Standing there at the sink my eyes welled up with tears. I was thinking about what a simple life this man leads, and yet how content he is. It reminded me of my grandparents' simple lives. I remembered many days spent at my grandparents' house eating my granddaddy's favorite butter pecan ice cream and climbing trees with my brother and sister. I deeply miss my grandparents, and I wish that I could have a relationship with them now that I am an adult. I hope they are proud of the woman I became. I know they would want me to continue to value my family and make time for 2 hour trips up the mountain for an afternoon visit the same way my mom makes time to talk to me almost every morning at 7:30 even though she has an unbelievably busy day ahead. I think this is part of what Jesus meant when he said to store up treasures in heaven. I know my grandparents are 2 wonderful treasures waiting on me there.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where theieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where theieves do not break in and steal. " Matthew 6:19-20

Who's the UNO champion?

I AM!

When Jason and I were first married, we played UNO a lot in the evenings. We are both very competitive, so there was always a lot of trash talking going on. Playing UNO with 2 people is really fun, because you can play so many cards in sequence. Any skips, reverses, or draw cards are basically just lost turns for the other player. For that reason, you never know when the other person is on the verge of winning.

Alas, as time has passed our UNO cards have been collecting dust on the shelf while we busy ourselves with jobs, church, kids, and housework. UNTIL a couple of days ago, Jason asked if I wanted to play. "Sure," I said. We'll play to 5, and you have to win by 2. Guess who won....ME!!! We also have an imaginary UNO Champion title belt, which I proceded to pantomime buckle around my waist and strut around the living room.

Tonight after his creative meeting and my life team meeting he asked for a rematch. Let's just say that before I go to bed tonight Iwill have to polish my imaginary title belt and put it up for safe keeping! =)

Three cheers for Firestone at the mall!

Whoever thought to build an auto repair shop in the mall parking lot was genius. I mean really, what's the worst part about getting your car fixed? OK, true the money. But what's the second-worst part? Right, the waiting! Yesterday Jackson, Selah, and I took Jason's car to get fixed. I was not looking forward to this trip because I was told it would take a few hours for them to work on it. Great! I thought hours with 2 children stuck at the car shop. However, we have a friend who works at Firestone in the mall parking lot, so I thought hopefully we could find some entertainment at the mall. (On a side note, when you know nothing about cars like we do it is priceless to have a friend you can trust to work on your car!) That morning I packed up a mommy bag full of diapers, changes of clothes, snacks, juice boxes, activity books, and toys, and we headed off to Firestone. Selah got a whopping 20-minute morning nap in the car. After dropping off the car, we strolled over to the mall. I'm happy to report that we actually had a great morning. We shopped for a new vacuum (did I mention that the car is just one of a long list of things that seem to be falling apart at our house, including the vacuum), rode the carousel, hung out in the play area (I even let Selah get out and crawl around), played at the train table in Hungate's, and ate lunch at Subway. Jackson decided to put Cheetos on his sandwich. I'm telling you, this kid has culinary creativity. Later in the afternoon, he decided that yogurt-covered raisins would be delicious frozen...not bad!

We went back to Firestone where the activity books and toys came in handy. We got the bad news about what a piece of junk Jason's car is and just how much it's gonna cost us just to get it to pass inspection...this is the subject for another blog entirely! We were in the car and on the way home right as the naptime grumpies were setting in. I was so pleased with our successful morning. It's so nice to have those rare occasions that things seem to go smoothly! It gives you motivation to keep going; it gives you strength to fight another day.

This morning I also had success with some teaching trays with Jackson. Last week, they didn't go so well, but I bought some mixed beans at the grocery store yesterday. He loved them. I just filled the tub with beans and let him use his cooking tools. He played independently for a while, which was nice. After he was done pretending to cook he used the measuring cup handle to make a "bean slide". So funny! He also worked on counting/math with poker chips. Here are some pictures of him working on his trays.